What's next? - IVF Journey

Family night at Bedlam

The past few days have been good. Friday was a tough day - but at the last min we got tickets to the bedlam game at OneOK field - had a wonderful time with just our family. Cooper had a baseball tournament Saturday & Sunday - I was able to stay busy - which is exactly what I needed. Saturday morning was a little rough... but I got the best hug from the sweetest girl at just the right time. We really truly are a very blessed family. We have the most amazing family and friends. It was only fitting that Friday night I had a delayed allergic reaction to the progesterone shots and found out on Monday that these gems (giant itchy welts on my bum) could be with me for the next 2 weeks...... Fun times for sure! 

Waiting for the doc watching the tornado's in OKC

Today we had our follow up appointment with our doctor. I don't know why but I have not been looking forward to this appointment - They had an appointment Monday I could of taken but decided to wait until Todd could come. There wasn't anything I was expecting my doctor to say. I knew what she was going to say - I knew there was a 40% chance the embryo would take - I knew that meant the odds were not in our favor. I think i just didn't want to bring back up all those emotions. I've been really good the past two days. Had a great support system this weekend - stayed busy. But walking into the office today just brought it all back up again.

The doc was running late - which was fine. I knew she spent the time with us before and others had to wait so I was totally fine waiting. But siting there was brutal. I kept trying to keep conversation away from the obvious. Its spring time in Oklahoma and unfortunately there was a tornado emergency in OKC so we live streamed the coverage for 30 min waiting on her. Passed the time, which I was thankful for. 

I knew what I wanted to do but asked her which would be better. Give my body a break for a few months and then put in the last embryo - or get on the next cycle and go for it now. I was happy to hear her response of giving my body a break. I now can enjoy my summer by the pool.... with sangria in hand! HA! : ) 

So the plan for now is this - take the summer off and do the FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycle in September. 

I'd be lying to everyone if I didn't say I wasn't overly confident. I go into this next round VERY pessimistic. But I don't think I could live with myself if we didn't use the one last embryo. All the what if's - I want to leave this process knowing we did everything we could - and leaving that last embryo would mean we didn't do everything we could. 

I want to thank everyone for your support. I know I keep saying that but I truly mean it and can't express my gratitude enough. I'm so glad I decided to put this all out there. Don't get me wrong, posting Friday was one of the hardest things i've done - Todd still hasn't read it. The love i've received from the high high's and low low's has just been amazing. 

xoxo

The Blood Test - IVF Journey

<0.5 HCG - What does that mean? Well It means it was negative and the round of IVF was unsuccessful. Am I sad, disappointed, mad, angry, annoyed ---- The answer is yes.

I don't know what else to say other than the numerous calls and texts this morning really made the waiting go by much faster... and I thank you guys for that. Thank you for following us on our journey. We don't know if this is the end of the line for us or not yet. We do have 1 frozen embryo that we can still use but right now i'm not sure we are going to go through it again or not.

We have a follow up with our doctor on Wednesday. I've only gotten to talk to Todd on the phone - so there will be a long discussion before we make any more decisions.

For now i'm going to be sad - kids get out of school in 3 hours and going to surprise them with going to see the avengers.... cooper got it taken away - call me a bad mom for not sticking to my guns and saying he can't go.... but tonight i can't sit at home with a sad 8 year old while his brother goes and sees the movie he's been waiting for for over a year. and guess what. i'm going to embrace the boy mom title and go see it with them.

Thank you so much for following us on this journey. While I am sad at this outcome I hope that i've brought some light to the scary dark place that is infertility.

(silver lining.... no more progesterone shots! HA!)

xoxo