Perspective from an adopted adult

I was recently asked by a friend to write a perspective on being an adoptive adult.

This is my post.

"What I want you to know about being adopted....

"I don't feel abandoned. I don't feel unloved. I don't feel like I was bought or purchased. I don't feel like I'm missing something. I feel like ME. I was born on June 26 - I have blonde hair and green eyes - I am 5'8 - and I was adopted. Just another fact about me.

"I was adopted from Edna Gladney adoption agency in 1982. I was an infant. I was my parents, who were unable to have biological children, second adopted child. Though I am not sure I have ever heard anyone in my family ever say 'this is my adopted child' or 'this is my adopted granddaughter' I am simply their child. Their grandchild. Their niece. Their cousin.

"I have always been proud to of been adopted. I have a wonderful Mom & Dad. I know this sounds cliche but they are truly the best. I couldn't of asked for better parents. They taught me the difference between right and wrong, the value of a dollar, how to work hard (and play hard too), but more importantly they loved me unconditionally. They didn't try and change who I am. Since I can remember I've always wanted to find out more about my biological family. Not because I needed a mom or needed a dad. I wanted to tell her thank you. Thank you for her sacrifice. Thank you for her choice. Thank you for being you. I wanted to share my family with her. I wanted her to know what she created. What may of been one of the hardest moments of her life made MY life possible. And for that I will be forever and ever grateful for her.

"My journey to find my adoptive family was long. It was frustrating. I can tell you there were many times I was so angry and upset I wanted to quit. But I didn't give up. There were dead ends after dead ends. Many low points and not too many highs. I met some of the most wonderful people on my journey - Ones that feel like my family. Ultimately, after more than 15 years, I handed over my file to a 'search angel' and within 5 hours on September 19, 2016 I found the impossible; my biological family.

"I can truly say everything in life happens for a reason. Had I found them 15 years ago my story would be completely different. I wasn't ready then. I am ready now.

"I have TWO sisters.

"I have a niece. I have aunts. I have uncles. I have so many cousins.

"I have Nancy. (My birth mom)

"But more importantly I have LOVE. And you know what I have learned in all of this.... your heart is big enough.

"My Mom & Dad never wavered in their support for finding my birth mom. They were never jealous. They were supportive and encouraging. They were excited! When my tree got so confusing they came over and we sat down as a family to try and get it all straight. They were the ones that taught me your heart is big enough for one more, always big enough for one more.

"You know when you get married and you gain a mother-in-law & father-in-law? Well that's just what I gained. I gained a bonus family when I found my biological family. I gained a Nancy. I gained two sisters. I gained love.

"My story {our story} is unique. I have been graciously welcomed by people 3 months ago didn't know I existed and have been lovingly accepted by those that did know.

"Has my journey been easy? No. Have I cried? More than I have in my entire life. Would I change a thing? Not a chance in the world.

"I love my life. I love my story. I love adoption." -Katie

Link to original Facebook post

Where are you going?

I'm not a huge fan of vague Facebook posts but A LOT has happened in the last month that the question "Where are you going?" is truly a loaded question. I have always been a fan of blogging. It helped me get through IVF. It helped me inform people on my surgery. And it helped me emotionally talk it out. When this all started a few weeks ago Todd said 'Katie you need to write this down! You need to blog this.' Its been on my to-do list. I'm in the car now for 8 hours so what better time than to tell my story....

Many of you know, but some of you may not. I was adopted as an infant (12 days old). So yes, you can imagine where this post is headed... This is a journey that started a long LONG time ago. Let me answer a few questions.

Have you always known you were adopted? Yes, I have known my whole life. There was no finding out in 4th grade or high school. I've always known. It was just as normal to me as you having a belly button... I was adopted. I didn't know any different.

Do your parents know you were interested in your biological family? Yes. They have always known I have had a curiosity about where I came from. They have been supportive. They have been kind. They have even been excited!

Why? I've always wondered what it would be like to sit in the same room with someone who looks like me. Someone who has the same eyes/facial structure/looks. I've never had that. Having our first child was a HUGE deal for me. I was so excited to see something that was apart of me. MY DNA. And then Cooper was born..... and he was a spitting image of Todd. Go figure! HA. I adore my boys and wouldn't change a single thing about them.

I am not looking for a replacement. I have two wonderful parents. They are and will always be my mom & dad. The best. The only ones I need. BUT without my biological parents I wouldn't be here today. I've always wanted to just say 'Thank you'.

See I was born in 1982. And lets be real - times were a little different back then. The stigma of an out of wedlock pregnancy - how easy it would of been to have an abortion - just not the same as today. And I was not there (well technically i was but you know what i mean) I did not walk in their shoes. I don't know what their lives were like back then and I am not one to judge. From my perspective I am where I am suppose to be and grateful everyday for the gift they both gave to me. I have no hate, anger or heartache. I do not think of the what-could of been's - I think of all that has happened and how lucky I am to of been apart of it. I have MY family. I love MY family. But I also have roots that always have been a part of me and as long as I can remember I knew someday I would find those answers......

So Today, Todd, Cooper, Corbin and I are going to Houston, Texas. I will be meeting my older biological 1/2 sister today. Saturday I will be meeting several Aunts, Uncles & cousins. A family, a month ago that did not know I existed but have graciously opened their hearts and lives to include me in it. How lucky am I? I have a SISTER. When I spoke to my 93 year old grandfather on the phone a week ago and we were talking about it all (he is so excited and intrigued by the whole thing) he stops me mid sentence after I said 'my sister' and he goes 'Kate - It is so weird to hear you say that!' (with a smile in his voice). I love this all.

I will share more of my journey and how I came to find them soon. I am still not in contact with all my biological family. I want to protect those that may not know. I want to share my journey - I do - and I will in time.

A few questions I know you may have to clear a few things up. This is my biological fathers side of the family. He died in 1985 in a motorcycle accident. I have not spoken yet to my biological mother.

More later. But for now be thinking about us this weekend. Its going to be one for the books! love you all!

I'll leave you with a text I received from a dear friend this morning.

Know that whatever you find and whoever you are related to that you are loved by so many.Its a journey above all that your kids are witnessing. Its the human journey that in itself the driving force of humanity. To know, to love, to be.

Released 👊

Dun dun dunnn..... See you in a year, Katie! What are you going to do with yourself not coming into the office all the time?! The words from my doctor this morning. Hyesterctcomy a success. Feeling great. Still having some crazy bowel symptoms and will have to have a follow up with that surgeon and then probably send me to a gastro doc. But I am now restriction free! Can we say POOL! 

Because some of you may my know what happened here is a run down of the surgery. 

Day 1: surgeon comes in. We talk. I ask him to do a horizontal incision. He says no vertical. I say no horizontal. He wins. I only have 20 min to fret about it before they put me under. I was annoyed but knew he had a plan. Ask where my other doc was and he said he was only going to come in if needed. Go into surgery come out in recovery in A LOT of pain. Naturally. Figured that would happen. But then a magical anesthesiologist came in and did two ultrasound guided pain blocks that worked for 48 hours. I felt like a million bucks. At some point that first day Todd posts on FB that everything went normal and routine and I was doing great. (So I blame a lot of what happened on him!) get to my room and find out the 2nd surgeon did have to be called in because there was a portion of my small intestine that was in a ball wrapped up with a rind around it 😁 yuck. I know. So that surgeon had to un tangle it and fix it. 

Day 2: I felt fabulous. 

Day 3: I walked 7,000 steps in laps around the hospital. Finally ate and tolerated food. 

Day 4: I was ready to get out of there. Doc said it was ok as long as I knew I needed to take laxatives to get my system fully going. I was game! Released at 12. By 4pm I wasn't feeling great and by 5 I vomited and fell unconscious on the bathroom floor. Woke up to a bathroom full of firemen.

😜 finally got me in the ambulance and off I went back to the hosptial. 

No obstruction. Just 5 more days in the hospital. 

Day 5: early morning hours I finally see an ER doc and because of failed attempts to get an IV in he ends up putting an EJ in my neck. I was mortified. It was awful. Painful. Get on the floor and beg the nurses to poke me 1,000 times if it means I can take that thing out. Finally a 4th nurse from L&D was able to get an IV in. Later that day I was given Meds to clear me out. They were successful in less than 2 hours. 

Days 6-9 were just sitting days. Waiting for my system to recover. 

All is well now. I'm 6 weeks post op and doing great! Those of you who know about my POTS an interesting note is my HR has decreased significantly since my surgery. Hopefully I'm on the final road to recovery! 

Thank you everyone for all your thoughts and prayers. It's been a crazy crazy ride but im hopeful that I am on the road to recovery! 

Can't believe the summer is more than half over! I feel like I've been stuck in my bubble for 6 weeks. Ready to get out there and do something!! 

Xoxo

10 months post op - 7 days pre op

Soooooo it's finally time. Tuesday, May 24th I will go in for a hysterectomy (leaving my one ovary and taking the rest). Thankful I was able to make the decision in my own time. Thankful my doctor didn't push it. (Though he was relieved when he walked in the room and I said I'm ready). 

I remember going in for surgery at 19 years old not knowing if I would come out with or without my uterus. Every surgery since then (I've had 10ish since) my first question waking up after surgery is did they take my uterus. Even After my gallbladder surgery - think the recovery room nurses might of thought I was cray cray.... This time will be different. I will know. And I'm ok with it. I'm ready. 

I will have both Dr. Gehring (obgyn) & Dr. Hepner (general surgeon) in the OR. Hepner will be there just in case. I opted not to go with the robotic surgery since I've got such an extensively crappy history with laparoscopic procedures. I decided to just opt for the open surgery. 

I will be in the hospital 1-2 nights. I was a little concerned with telling cooper about the surgery. He did not do well with me being in the hospital last summer. He actually asked me a month ago the most random question ever. See the boys often ask me when I am going to have a baby in my tummy or when they are going to get a baby sibling. I'm use to that. One of them asks me that prob every other week for about 4 years. But you see Cooper asked me this 'mommy did that surgery last summer make it so you couldn't have babies anymore?' I was kinda stunned. That's a big question for a 9 year old (clueless) boy. I was able to tell him no at that time.... Only to come back 3 weeks later to tell him I was having another surgery and this time they are going to make it so I can't have anymore babies. That was a rough conversation. There were tears. But luckily their best friends (Ben & will) offered a double night sleepover for this surgery. Corbin was jumping up and down with excitement.... Cooper had to promise me that He could bring his itouch and that Valarie would put wifi on it so he could FaceTime me... And he was ok with it. 

I am actually feeling really good about this surgery. Hopefully my last. But I'm not nervous or anxious. I was last time. But this time I am good. 

School gets out Monday. Hoping this is as 'routine' as this could be. If so I should be driving in 2 weeks and back to normal in 6 weeks. I have had such an outpouring of support for helping with the boys. Believe me - I will be taking you guys up on your offers! 

Todd was promoted to a new position this week. He is now the director of pharmacy at Tulsa Spine and Speciality Hospital. Naturally it will only be his 2nd week at the new hospital when I have my surgery so once I get home his plan is to go back to work and then I will be relying on all my wonderful friends! 

Thank you for all the love and support! I don't feel like our story is over yet.