Talk about an emotional roller coaster...... This process is brutal! Night after my retrieval i didn't sleep AT ALL.... I was awake all night. Don't know if it was the meds or what but I got less than 3 hours of sleep.... So Friday, Day after retrieval was not starting out to be a good day... Friday was the day I got my first look at how many of the 7 eggs made embryo's. Its funny how one little number can change your mood in an instant. I logged onto my portal and my heart just sank.
Out of 7 eggs only 5 were viable and then only 3 fertilized AND there was no grade on them. I thought we were done. I just had it in my mind that it wasn't going to work. 3 embryos wasn't enough (I didn't think). I cried. ALL.DAY.LONG. It was bad.... the ugly cry. I only talked to Todd and my IVF friend. She assured me that it was ok and that 3 was good! All you need is one she kept saying!
I was an emotional basket case - I mean they pump you up with all these hormones - I knew it was all in my head so I tried really hard not to let anyone see. I was in car pool line and a friend called and I didn't answer it. I knew if I answered it I would burst into tears and I was about to have two little boys in my car I didn't need to scare.
I had left a message with my nurse earlier in the day asking about the fact that there were only 3 that made it and that there wasn't a scoring. She didn't get back to me until 3:30 - Come to find out... on day 1 you don't get a score.... naturally I was freaking out for nothing. But emotions were raw, I was tired, and Corbin had a baseball game. I put on my best 'fake it till you make it' face and went to the game. I looked like death warmed over. I'm surprised I didn't scare the kids..... Since my IV was so difficult to get the previous day I looked like a drug user.... It was warm outside but I had to wear a long sleeve shirt because my arms were so bad.... But I went anyways.
My friends are so nice. They didn't say a word about how dreadful I looked. I went home and went to sleep.
Saturday:
Todd and I took the boys to their favorite breakfast, Waffle house. I checked the portal about every 5 seconds to see if they uploaded my new embryo scoring. It wasn't until we were pulling out of the parking lot that I got the update. 2 grade 4 and one grade 2. Todd - still cool as a cucumber said ' see you were spazzing about nothing!' That's typical Todd for ya. I was feeling good and was still overwhelmed with the support from my doctor that I wanted to do something for her. So in true Katie fashion I head to Joanns to get fabric to make her a blanket (hey it sounded less crazy at the time)..... BUT when I got there I started feeling horrible. Like flu-like. I got what I needed and then came home. Todd thinks it was a combo of some of the medicines I was on but I was lightheaded for the next 3 days. It was BAD. I stayed in bed or on the couch all day.
Sunday:
Woke up feeling about the same. not fabulous. Spent another day in bed. But did get my daily embryo scoring sheet. Today all 3 were grade 4 and none had failed to produce! This was such good news. This meant that We were 100% going to be doing a Day 5 transfer instead of a Day 3 transfer.
Monday:
Woke up feeling a little better. Still not great but feeling ok. Got the embryo scoring and it was back to 2 grade 4 and 1 grade 2. Still good. I was suppose to be getting a call sometime that day to find out what time my transfer would be tomorrow. I didn't know what time they made the schedule but I sent a message around 11 asking. By 3 I had still not heard anything so I called the office to find out when they do the scheduling. The front desk actually transferred me to the IVF coordinator - who answered. I was kinda embarrassed that I was wasting her time - I knew she was busy - but what she said next I was NOT expecting. She told me that she didn't know if we would be doing a transfer tomorrow or not. She said something about a lab value and the embryologist and that she would have to talk to my doctor and get back to me - But we might have to cancel this round and then do a frozen transfer. I was in shock. Cancelled? How can this be? Talk about panicked...... I was just that. I called Todd and this was the first time in this whole process that I could tell he was concerned. He encouraged me to call back and use my best inner b*** skills I had to get answers. I called again at 4:30. I told them that if it was going to be cancelled that I wanted to speak with my physician TONIGHT. 5 o'clock rolls around and still nothing. I am in such a panic that I tell Todd I don't think I can goto Corbin's baseball game. I can just see it now - getting a phone call from the doc on the fields........ Then I thought about how important it was to Corbin for me to goto his games. I put on my big girl pants and got in the car. Just then I get a call from the office. It was the other coordinator calling to confirm and give me a scheduled appointment time for my transfer. She had no clue about my previous conversation with the other nurse. She was cool, calm and collective - and that was that. Scheduled for 12:45 Tomorrow.
By that point in the day my nerves and brain had been frazzled enough. I sent an SOS call to my mom and said PLEASE after the baseball game can you come watch the kids so Todd and I can go sit and eat dinner. She so kindly came to our rescue and Todd and I had a wonderful dinner just chilling. It was nice.
Today - Transfer Day:
I woke up feeling good. Since Todd was off work he got the kids ready for school and took them. It was nice to just be able to relax and not rush. Today was the Run for Fun at the boys school and our appointment wasn't until after lunch so he was going to actually get to goto one of their events at school! It was also going to be the first big event i've missed for their school. I didn't want to go because I didn't want the added stress of everyone (so nice and genuinely concerned) asking how I was doing - Plus I had a blanket to make. LOL.
It was fun getting pictures from Todd's perspective of the boys. I was so proud!
He got back around 11 and we left to head downtown and grab lunch at La Madeleine. We got there by 11:45 and figured we had an hour to chill before the appointment. We get out of the car and Todd goes..... oh shit. He LOST HIS DRIVERS LICENSE. He had taken it out of his wallet to check in at school for run for fun and it must of fallen out. See the problem here is simple. With all the consents and papers that have to be signed, you HAVE to have your ID in order to have the transfer. I could of shot him dead right there. I told him I had to have lunch and we would call the school while we ordered and if we had to call someone to help we would. So I frantically called my neighbor...... 4 times...... and when she didn't answer I called the school to check to see if anyone had turned it in. I guess my friend tried to call me in the process of me calling the school so she came straight to my house. Got off the phone with the school. No ID turned in. Called my friend and she was at my front door. Thank goodness for garage codes. She went in and searched our house and couldn't find it anywhere. But she was on it. She was going to call the tag agency and find out what documents we needed and was going to get them to Todd and meet him where ever we needed. OMG. Then todd thought to look in my car one more time. He went out there and poof... it had fallen between the seats. THANK GOODNESS!
So we finally got to the fertility office. We were early but came into the office laughing like crazy people. AHHHHH talk about an EMOTIONAL roller coaster.
We spoke to the doctor about embryo's and how many.... Sorry friends wanting 4 baby Worsham's we only put back 1! We put back a grade 4bb embryo. We will also have 2 to freeze.
I awkwardly gave her the blanket I made her.... at first she thought I was handing her a baby... It was funny. She was kind and at least acted like she liked it. If anyone sees a homeless person with a pretty blanket just don't tell me... LOL
We went back to the OR area again. Got suited up - instructions and then sent me back for the transfer. I was awake the whole time. It was anticlimactic. In and out in less than 15 min. Then I had to lay flat for 30 min. After that I was free to go. Take it easy for the next couple of days and wait for my blood test next Friday.
Speaking of the blood test - when I started blogging about this I didn't think too far in advance about this. I will find out VERY early (4 weeks) if i'm pregnant or not. I wrestle with the fact that I want everyone to know and support me, BUT I also want to tell my boys first. See our boys love love LOVE babies. I mean they always ask when are we going to get one. I would hate for them to find out from someone inadvertently slipping and telling them. We want to be the ones that tell them. We want to be the ones to see the excitement on their faces. But we also don't want to see the heartache if something happens and there is no baby.... SO having said all of that. I think that we are going to wait to say anything until we see a heartbeat and are able to tell the boys too.
Thank you so much for following our journey. You have no idea what the support has meant to us. The high highs and low lows you guys have lifted me up when I have been down. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts
xoxo
